Words I Like

• Doppelganger
• Antithesis
• Pittoresque
• Mathématiques
• Cayenne
• Caliente
  

And Another Thought

If your body odor was so rank that I could smell it from three feet away, would you want me to kindly inform you of this social blunder? Yes? Well, you smell like an ashtray at a bowling alley.

Carolina Homesick Blues

I'm not the type to get homesick. Not really. I remember being a little kid and sleeping over at a friend's house. I must have been about 7 years old. I was watching a movie with my friend and her mom. They both fell asleep, snuggled together on an easy chair. And I was sitting there, completely awake, on the couch.

I was little. So I didn't know what to do about this. I wasn't going to be able to sleep without a pillow or blanket. So I think I started crying and the mom woke up. My mom came and took me home. I'm sure on some level I missed the familiarity of my nightly routine, but really, I wasn't homesick. I was bored.

Armchair Analysis

Someone calls, leaves a message saying they will be at a place where they know you will be, too. They say the reason for the call is to make sure it's okay that they are there, that they hope it won't be too distracting.

This attempt at manipulation is hilarious. Allow me to translate:

Hi, this is the guy you haven't spoken to in months, whom you never think about, and whom you don't miss. I know you don't even think about me, so I wanted to try to get your attention in this transparent plea. I just wanted to make sure you knew that I was going to see you play roller derby. I wanted to make sure you knew I would be there since I would be just one of a thousand people there, and if I hadn't informed you of my presence, you might not have seen me. Oh, and I'm going to be there with friends, because I have them, you know. I'm going to thinly veil this as me being concerned about your feelings, instead of its obvious purpose; an attempt to get you to call me back.

When will the crazy end?

Imagine his confusion when I'm not even there.

A Cautionary Tale of Turkey

Last night I thought about sending an email to my manager saying, "I'm about to eat a questionable turkey sandwich. So if I'm not at work tomorrow, you know why."

On a different note, I had a thought the other day about job listings. A lot of times companies don't say who they are when they are describing an open position. I don't know exactly why they do this, but one of my guesses is so that if someone from their company sees it, they won't have inside information. But what if the situation is this:
Worker doesn't like Job anymore. Job doesn't like Worker anymore. Job puts out an ad, worker starts looking at ads. Worker answers Job's ad.

Does that result in instant firing? Or what if they weren't intending on firing the worker at all, it was just an opening for a new position? Would the job start worrying that they were losing a valuable employee?

I wonder if this has ever happened before.

Vote for This

Sometimes I feel like I'm playing grown up, the way I used to play house as a kid. I feel so inept, especially today when I went to vote in the primaries, and there were a dozen names on the ballot that I didn't recognize.

I colored in circles and hoped that I wasn't setting up the state for disaster. I hoped I wasn't bubbling in secret KKK members or something like that.

Yes, America, I am your typical voter. Be afraid.

Debates? Can't the candidates just mud wrestle or something? Okay, so it shouldn't necessarily be based on brute strength. They should chose a team (prospective cabinet members) and then have several challenges over a course of something like 5 weeks. Some could be physical, others could be mental, and the hardest of all--ethical. It would all be televised, of course. Maybe it would be on an island. Or in the woods. I'm thinking part of it must be outside.

I want to see how these people are as leaders, what kind of decisions they make, and if they have a sense of humor. How do they react when a crazy homeless person tries to help them parallel park? Do they leave their friends hanging? I want to see it. I don't want them or others to tell me about it. Why should I believe them? Actions speak louder than words and television speaks to the masses. Editing can change context? Take the risk. Just give me something I can relate to.