Coffee Break

Yeah, I sold my soul for a free sample of coffee.

I also really like the combination of orange and pink.

Maybe HRA's Just Not That Into You

I think my health reimbursement account (HRA) is trying to break up with me. I keep submitting claims to my HRA, but I don't get any response. I upload my files, I fax them. But nothing. I sit and wait. I tell my email to check for new messages, but all I get are ads from Crate and Barrel and Tiger Direct.

It's not like I was asking for anything serious. I just wanted to keep it casual. You know. I would pay for my doctor visits, submit claims and the HRA would give me money. No big deal. I even played on the terms of the HRA. I made sacrifices. I didn't want to fax my personal information. But I did.

I guess we had a connection failure.

Musical Diversion

I don't even know where to start on this one. I can't pretend that I'm a music critic. Scratch that. Yes I could pretend. But that's not the point. When I was logging on to Playlist.com (I'm an addict) the featured playlist was from a band named Metro Station. Start the judging now, please. First, you might have heard about this band last year. And I just heard about it. Second, you might realize what a popsicle rainbow delight boyband this group is. And, yes, I did take a listen in spite of the photo that accompanied the songs. When I heard the pop dance beats and a fake British accent, I had hopes they would be like the Prima Donnas. They weren't.

Now, if you haven't heard of Metro Station, I wouldn't feel bad. You're probably not a 14 year old girl.

I listened to the songs and it made me wish I was younger, much younger. I know that if I were that 14 year old, I'd be plotting a way to follow these guys on tour. I'd probably be trying to figure out how to get back stage to have fumbly teenage make out sessions.

Are they cute? Not really. But what they are is ugly and awkward. And much more scruffy than those Brothers (again, you'd probably have to be in your pre- or early teens to know what I'm talking about.) They are all post-emo rock in appearance. So to young girls, in a word, irresistable. I mean, dang. I can't stop laughing.

No, I'm not laughing at them. No, indeed not. I'm laughing for the pure joy they bring to my heart. But you rock on, Metro Station, with songs like Seventeen Forever and Wish We Were Older!

Make Over Madness

There is something so fulfilling about a make over. The results are so obvious; either much improved, or at times, a step backwards. My love of make overs extends past TLC's What Not to Wear and Property Ladder.

The other day I spent way too much time on photo retouchers' portfolios, just rolling my mouse over the images, over and over again. Oh, she used to have muscles, now they're gone. That little girl used to have on a long sleeve top, now the sleeves are short. Where did those arms come from?

Combine my fascination of "before and afters" with my love of logos; yes, I gaze at them all the time, and you get one of my favorite blogs to check in on, Brand New. I'm kind of obsessed with it. It's not always redesigns. Sometimes it's just interesting things in corporate branding. To a certain extent I like to read the comments. Although, sometimes you know what they are going to be. It gets a little formulaic at times. The first person to comment on it will hate it. The next three will, too. Then after a few comments there is the person who says they like it. If you're lucky, someone will throw in a picture of something that the new logo resembles. I like those. If somehow my design ever made it to that site, I would not have the nerve to see what people where saying about it.

I've just discovered The Dieline today. This blog isn't about redesigns, though it has a category for them. It showcases packaging design. I've always found packaging design incredibly interesting. It adds another dimension in which to solve problems. I'd love to have the chance to do more of it. And when people think designing is about drawing pictures and making things look pretty, I wish I could force them to read articles like this about the redesign of Target's perscription bottles.

Cake?

I like to look at Cake Wrecks because it's hilarious. No one's perfect, so it's fun to laugh at ourselves. The many grocery store sheet cakes that make it to the site remind me of when I worked in the floral department of a grocery store and fulfilled orders for arrangements. I had been given no floral arranging training. I didn't know what I was doing. Fortunately I did have a penchant for crafting and, at the time, a few years of art school under my belt.

But the site also has links to very skilled cake decorators. I like to go to those, too. They make me imagine a life where I am baking cakes, sculpting flowers out of sugar, and carefully selecting plates to put them on. Perhaps it's not something I want to do every day, but it sounds fun.

I've got my birthday coming up. I think I might go to the nearest grocery store and put in an order. Perhaps I'll ask for a roller skate on it. Or maybe a basket with puppies in it. Yeah, that sounds good.

Speaking of Things That Suck

I've been hanging on to an old broken vacuum for more than a year. My dad got it for me from a yard sale. It worked for a while, was fixed twice and then I gave up on it. Yesterday I put up an ad on Craigslist, giving the vacuum away for free, including the fact that it was broken, but I didn't think it was ready for the landfill. I got three emails right away from people who were interested.

This morning I got an email from a Ms. Betts, who said this:
Subject: vacuous
so somebody else can maybe repair your old vac after you went to target and bought the latest fake hepa chinese made super attachmo dynmno sucks-right? thats very 1st world hyperconsumer peak oil(whats that?) of you.

Touché, Ms. Betts. Touché. You're right. It's not the best solution. I'm sorry for upsetting you.

I'm not asking for an environmentalism award or anything. I just wanted a broken vacuum out of my house as fast as possible, perhaps going to someone who could actually fix it. I've tried twice and failed.

Some people might have tried to sell it for parts. Some people would have tried to pass it off as working and then sell it. I think most people would have gone the easiest route, chuck it in the giant green trash cans that the city provides.

I think we all forget that the posters on the Internet are still people. Ms. Betts, I'm doing the best I can.

TLC Makes Most Awkward Show on TV

I'm watching a show on TLC where they find 4 people with varying degrees of knowledge in fashion design to create an outfit for a "celebrity" for a red carpet event. I probably could have put that last phrase in quotes, too. And just one of the designs gets chosen and worn by the "celebrity." The awkwardness comes in when the designers, with their varying levels of knowledge, show their sketches to the celebrity. Out of the 4 designers, only one sketch resembled a fashion illustration. The others were amateurish and embarrassing. As they are being briefed on their mission, the host says that they will have seamstresses on hand to help. So these people can't draw or sew? What is this show about?

Another uncomfortable moment came in when one of the designers was showing her sketch and the host said, "I like what you did with the rhinestones on the back." And the designer cuts her off (or that's how it seemed the way it was edited) and says, "They're not rhinestones, they're Austrian crystals." The host was like, "Hmmkay."

And hearing the designers explain their designs brought me back to art school all over again. Critique day. Some people were better than others. And those who were really bad got called out on that every time. It could be very stressful.

Then the celebrity has to choose 3 designs from among the 4. The celebrity's thoughts were transparent, "Okay, I have to wear one of these. They all look horrible. So now I have to choose the 3 best of these disasters. Ooh, this is hard! Can I back out of this? Is it too late?"

Way to go, TLC, your answer to Project Runway is an uncomfortable failure.

Bold Statement

Every blog should have a theme. The good ones do. This one doesn't. Well, not intentionally, but after reading through it, I realized has taken on a theme. That of a working girl designer.

So on a design note, I will declare: There's no such thing as an ugly color. There are inappropriate uses of color and there are unappealing color combinations.

I know...bold statement!

Me and Walter Mitty

I just had a thought. I was in the bathroom pondering on things, like you do when you are in the bathroom. I was thinking on an incident today where one of the newer employees suggested that I "just use some clipart." She's from one of the companies with which we partner. I've seen their collateral. So she's probably used to their "designers" using clipart. But I replied, "We're the real deal back here. We can draw that."

What I mused on in the bathroom stall was an alternate response. I could have pointed to my drawing of Conan O'Brien that I have in my cube and said, "See this? I drew this. Do you know who Conan O'Brien is? No? Well get out of here. I don't have time to be spending with people who don't even know who Conan O'Brien is. No I'm not kidding. Do you know who Jay Leno is? Of course you do. You would. Just leave."

If only I were that bad ass. Then people would think I'm crazy. They would fear me.

They Told Me So

I know I'm not the first designer to shake her fists toward the ceiling while mentally screaming, "Why? Why do they have such bad taste?!" Far from it. It's one of the first lessons that my professors tried to teach me. But until you are working with clients, only then can you really understand that yes, yes they will choose the weakest of a given set of designs. Oh holy mother of Bob, yes they will.

I designed two brochures for my client. Both were fine solutions for a brochure, but one was much better than the other. But since one used a literal representation of a small town and one used a clever figurative representation...well, I think you see where I'm going with this one.

On the upside, though, now I don't feel so bad when my other designs "went up against" another person's designs and "lost". In a way, that was a success.

Autumnal Nostalgia

A slight chill came to the air last night. That was all it took to make me long for crisp autumn days. Sadly, the days that come to mind are not from last year, nor from the year before. They are from several years ago when I took a drive in my convertible, top down, through the rural land just outside of my college town. All I had with me was my portable CD player, barely functioning FM transmitter and a sleeve of cookies. But it was completely satisfying. I stopped and bought a pumpkin that I could never bring myself to cut. I ended up taking it home for Thanksgiving and eventually my mom threw it into the backyard. My pumpkin had met it's inevitable fate, but it's legacy lived on for another season when it took root and sprouted leaves.

Fall, in the South is a wonderful time, but it passes so quickly. One day the sun's rays are turning asphalt into a griddle-top, and before you realize it, you are putting on your gloves each morning. Those few weeks where a light jacket and a scarf keep the chill off come and go before most people can enjoy them.

Ever since I started working full time, autumn has been elusive. Maybe this year will be different.

Magical

I went away for the weekend. When I returned my car had been washed, tires rotated, nail removed from a tire, inspected, and the new registration sticker had been put on the license plate.

When I returned to work, I found my computer had been upgraded to the latest Mac OS, yes the one that came out like a year ago. That's just how we roll...nice and safely.

Perhaps I should go away more often.

Cool Site for Wednesday

So you like little cartoon monsters? I know you do. Then check out the Monsters Party.

Also, I have a comment about this article, but I'm not going to get into it now. I'll just say I'm glad my breakups aren't publicized. Awkward!

Women in the Workplace

Today a coworker brought in muffins for the whole office. This is the third time a new person has brought in food in the past month. I think they feel as if they have to. After working here for one week, an administrative assistant wrote thank you notes for everyone in the office. I had been on vacation and hadn't even met her yet. Another one of our new assistants wrote an email to me that said, "Thanks for everything you do." I felt like this was a little backwards as it is I who hands them things and tells them to mail them, and all I had done that day was print out three color copies.

There has been so much awkward thankfulness and baking I've theorized that it will lead to a battle among the women of who can be more domestic. Since I am a woman, I am considering making everyone bathing suits for the summer and hats and scarves for the winter. Perhaps I'll bring in cookies and ice each one with each person's name. Of course, I would include their family members, too. Because 2 month old Johnny can't be left out!

Now I dare them to be more domestic than that!

Can't Hear the Forest for the Trees

So the other day someone came up to me, all busy and kind of excited. They were holding a copy of Wired Magazine. All at once they asked me if I read Wired and if I knew who the person on the cover was. A sexy brunette posed on the front of the magazine--nothing out of the ordinary. And next to her was a tiny caption, "Who is this woman?" Below this in a much bigger typeface: Internet Famous: Julia Allison and the Secrets of Self-Promotion.

So the person keeps going on about who could this person be. She looks like someone. But who is she?

I just had to laugh. If only there were a way to solve this mystery. Like read the cover, or read the magazine.

When I opened the magazine to the feature article, the other person seemed surprised there was an article in there about her. I suppose it might be fun to live that way.

A Day In The Life

I'm making edits. Yes, to the same document. Yes, I'm still working on it. I have reached page 30. How do I describe this? Let me try to paint a picture:

You are sitting at a desk. A Macintosh computer is in front of you. To your left is a packet of paper stapled together. It is opened to a spread, page 30-31. Taped to this large piece of paper is a smaller piece of paper--it is a copy of page 32-33. On it are edits in black ink, red ink, and graphite. There are seven asterisks, an erased one, the phrase "investment services" was written in twice and crossed out both times, a check mark and an arrow. Under this piece of paper, on the page 30-31 spread, there are two arrows, one that encompasses three sections and indicates to move them to nowhere. There is a Post-it note on it and another small piece of paper taped to it. That makes three extra pieces of paper on this one. And, again red and black ink, apparently used for the writer's delight, not an actual editing purpose. Or if it was, it's not clear to you.

What do you do?

_



I just had it explained to me, and now it makes sense. No, not the markings. They still resemble the scribblings of a frustrated editor gone mad, locked in a cell with a typewriter, a black pen, a red pen, a pencil and a stack of old photocopies. So while the markings still bear no resemblance to sanity, I understand what I'm supposed to do.

Take A Letter, Maria

I am editing a pretty lengthy publication that is very text heavy. I'm updating it from last year's version. Some new entries need to be added. So, my editors provided me with text that is printed out and taped to my proof. This wouldn't be the slightest bit odd twenty-five years ago, when typewriters and photocopiers reigned over type-written matter.

Even though the person sat and typed it up, printed it out, taped it and handed it back to me, it is now my turn to type it again. I'm not the best typist. I got a B in that class.

Why they didn't provide me with the electronic file, I don't know. But this I know, the clunky spirit of typewriters live on at my office. Hurrah!

Sock It To Me

Socks should come in more sizes than just Women's 6-11. I don't know if you've ever seen a size 11 shoe, but they are a lot bigger than a size 6.

As a small footed person, I would love to be able to buy some socks that really fit me. Most of the time it doesn't matter, but every so often I get some socks and the heels are a contrasting color. I put these on my little feet and an odd patch of color wraps around the back of my lower calves. Apparently I must have a size 11 foot to make the heel of the sock match with the heel of my foot.

So don't steal my idea, but I'm thinking the company that makes or distributes this product would be called Size Six Socks. Maybe it would just be Size Six and it could feature shoes and socks.

***edit***

SmartWool socks come in small, medium, and large in both mens' and womens' sizes!

Everything New is Old

I am thinking of changing the name of this blog from "Because Why Not," an admittedly rather noncommittal title, to "Last to Know" and write about the cool things I find or learn or like, ignoring the fact that I am not the first one to discover these things.

That may never happen, but I'm going to start with the blend tool in Illustrator. Today I was looking at some really cool vector art on a stock image site. I've always admired them and have tried several times to figure out how they do it. So I looked up tutorials for Illustrator and found a site that had one for those bending twisting groups of lines that seem to recede and stretch out into space.

The first time I saw that was probably on desktops that came with my eMac running OSX, 10.1 or whatever the lowest version was. Making this complicated-looking graphic was so insanely simple, I almost hit myself that I had never figured it out before. You draw two lines, select them and then tell the computer to blend them. As many "steps" as you set in the options is as many lines as the computer will draw between them.

The blend tool is also responsible for all those wet looking aqua icons that Mac gave us with OSX. Another tutorial showed how you can make the iTunes icon.

Designers are some of the most insecure people, they do not want to reveal their secrets. So, kudos to Nick La, who not only has some beautiful illustrations, but the guts to share his knowledge. He seems to understand what one of my college professors said, if you discover something and tell no one, it dies with you. And what good will that do the human race?

Words I Like

• Doppelganger
• Antithesis
• Pittoresque
• Mathématiques
• Cayenne
• Caliente
  

And Another Thought

If your body odor was so rank that I could smell it from three feet away, would you want me to kindly inform you of this social blunder? Yes? Well, you smell like an ashtray at a bowling alley.

Carolina Homesick Blues

I'm not the type to get homesick. Not really. I remember being a little kid and sleeping over at a friend's house. I must have been about 7 years old. I was watching a movie with my friend and her mom. They both fell asleep, snuggled together on an easy chair. And I was sitting there, completely awake, on the couch.

I was little. So I didn't know what to do about this. I wasn't going to be able to sleep without a pillow or blanket. So I think I started crying and the mom woke up. My mom came and took me home. I'm sure on some level I missed the familiarity of my nightly routine, but really, I wasn't homesick. I was bored.

Armchair Analysis

Someone calls, leaves a message saying they will be at a place where they know you will be, too. They say the reason for the call is to make sure it's okay that they are there, that they hope it won't be too distracting.

This attempt at manipulation is hilarious. Allow me to translate:

Hi, this is the guy you haven't spoken to in months, whom you never think about, and whom you don't miss. I know you don't even think about me, so I wanted to try to get your attention in this transparent plea. I just wanted to make sure you knew that I was going to see you play roller derby. I wanted to make sure you knew I would be there since I would be just one of a thousand people there, and if I hadn't informed you of my presence, you might not have seen me. Oh, and I'm going to be there with friends, because I have them, you know. I'm going to thinly veil this as me being concerned about your feelings, instead of its obvious purpose; an attempt to get you to call me back.

When will the crazy end?

Imagine his confusion when I'm not even there.

A Cautionary Tale of Turkey

Last night I thought about sending an email to my manager saying, "I'm about to eat a questionable turkey sandwich. So if I'm not at work tomorrow, you know why."

On a different note, I had a thought the other day about job listings. A lot of times companies don't say who they are when they are describing an open position. I don't know exactly why they do this, but one of my guesses is so that if someone from their company sees it, they won't have inside information. But what if the situation is this:
Worker doesn't like Job anymore. Job doesn't like Worker anymore. Job puts out an ad, worker starts looking at ads. Worker answers Job's ad.

Does that result in instant firing? Or what if they weren't intending on firing the worker at all, it was just an opening for a new position? Would the job start worrying that they were losing a valuable employee?

I wonder if this has ever happened before.

Vote for This

Sometimes I feel like I'm playing grown up, the way I used to play house as a kid. I feel so inept, especially today when I went to vote in the primaries, and there were a dozen names on the ballot that I didn't recognize.

I colored in circles and hoped that I wasn't setting up the state for disaster. I hoped I wasn't bubbling in secret KKK members or something like that.

Yes, America, I am your typical voter. Be afraid.

Debates? Can't the candidates just mud wrestle or something? Okay, so it shouldn't necessarily be based on brute strength. They should chose a team (prospective cabinet members) and then have several challenges over a course of something like 5 weeks. Some could be physical, others could be mental, and the hardest of all--ethical. It would all be televised, of course. Maybe it would be on an island. Or in the woods. I'm thinking part of it must be outside.

I want to see how these people are as leaders, what kind of decisions they make, and if they have a sense of humor. How do they react when a crazy homeless person tries to help them parallel park? Do they leave their friends hanging? I want to see it. I don't want them or others to tell me about it. Why should I believe them? Actions speak louder than words and television speaks to the masses. Editing can change context? Take the risk. Just give me something I can relate to.